A Remembrance

Randy Lee Burnz chose to take his life last week.

From June, 2002 through July, 2007, Randy was my house-mate. Through extended conversations, I got to know him and his family, his outlook, and his character. The following describe Randy as I knew him.

Food

• Randy taught me and encouraged me to make smoothies. The recipe I posted on my blog in 2007 is largely modeled after his own:
  
  Lee's Smoothies
  

  coconut milk
  Jumex
  brewer's yeast
  almond meal
  protein powder
  yogurt
  bananas
  mixed berries
  Trader Joe's Very Green Powder Dietary Supplement
  soy milk or juice (apple)

  Lee confided he dreamed of serving smoothies to people to help them live healthier lives.
  
  
• Randy loved carrot juice.
  
  
• Randy preferred cooking using the oven. He baked fish, frozen dinners, and so forth. On the stovetop, he might cook chicken, "skrimps" (shrimp, but he called them skrimps, as someone in the south might), eggs, brown a tortilla, and so forth.
  
  
• Randy loved salads. He added almond meal, Bragg Liquid Aminos, a hard boiled egg, and so forth.
  
  
• Randy made his own egg-salad. It always looked delicious.
  
  
• A card-table in Randy's room was greatly covered by health supplements.
  
  
• Randy enthusiastically shared the benefits of purification diets.
  

Opinions

• Randy did not believe the sun caused cancer and refused to wear sunscreen.
  
  
• Randy subscribed to a Native American tribal newspaper. I think Apache or Cherokee.
  
  
• Randy believed in the chemtrail conspiracy theory.
  
  
• Randy seemed to feel anger and mistrust toward African Americans. Over the period of time I knew him, he shared some of the reasons, including one violent encounter at a post office in the Atlanta area. Whether it was physically, verbally, or psychologically abusive was never clear to me. He shared he did not plan to vote for Obama, and when pressed shared he feared Obama would attempt to unfairly favor African Americans based on race. We spoke about race a number of times, and though we held polar opposite views on race, I always strove to attempt to hear him compassionately.
  
  
• Randy did not vote for many years. I believe he voted in 2004 and maybe 2006.

Personal History Stories

• Randy lived on a commune for a period of time in his youth. During our conversations, he described the group dynamics of how the group operated.
  
  
• Randy told me how he would ride boxcars as a means of efficiently traveling from place to place. He jumped from a boxcar once, rolling down the embankment, unhurt. I do not remember if he attempted this more than once.
  
  
• Randy hitchhiked across America in his youth. He indicated hitchhiking was a safer environment then.
  
  
• Randy talked about doing lots of drugs during his youth, including LSD and marijuana. I do not remember the exact list, but he seemed to indicate he tried a lot of them. He shared they never really negatively affected him too much. Others, he said, really abused them. He drew a distinction.
  
  
• Sexually, Randy was honest and forthright about his youthful partners. When he was very young, he had a partner with whom he made love five or six times a day. I am not sure this was a frequent occurrence.
  
  
• Randy told me of camping trips he took in which he would sleep in the back of his truck.
  
  
• Randy kept his Utah license plates when he moved to California. I think he said it was cheaper for him to claim he still lived in Utah. Or maybe he was dual-licensed. I forget.
  

Family and Community

• I met Randy's mother when she came to tend to his cosmetic nose surgery. She made him soup, spent a lot of time with him, went shopping and bought him clothing. I believe his mother lives in Florida.
  
  
• Randy's parents divorced at some point in his life. I believe his father eventually remarried, but I am not sure about his mother.
  
  
• Randy was part Jewish and part Native American.
  
  
• Randy has a sister who lives in the area of Beverly Hills. He has one or two brothers. My memory is a bit fuzzy here.
  
  
• Randy has a son who lives in the southern United States near his son's mother, I believe. Randy talked about him from time to time. I sensed he had given up the idea of connecting with him, though an exchange of letters would take place occasionally.
  
  
• Randy's father would RV around the country, I believe.
  
  
• Randy enjoyed the platonic (to my knowledge) company of his friend Lisa. They visited the Denios Farmers Market on Saturdays, and drink beers around the kitchen island. I always had positive impressions of Lisa.
  
  
• Randy attended the Aspire Foundation's meetings in Sacramento. He seemed to appreciate the atmosphere and attended several retreats as his budget allowed.
  
  
• Randy's e-mail was lilindio@hotmail.com
  
  
• Randy traveled occasionally to hot spring spas in the Petaluma area. I do not know which one specifically, but he really enjoyed the atmosphere and community he found there.

Worldview

• Randy described his worldview as pan-theistic. I believe his part Native American ancestry influenced him.
  
  
• Randy held angry attitudes toward Christianity. I forget the reasons, if they were ever clear.
  
  
• He loaned a copy of a book by Carl Jung to me, which I did not read, but had made an impression on him.
  
  
• Randy believed in astral projection.
  
  
• Randy painted two black Native American symbols on the back of his truck.
  

Environment

• Randy had two sides. He despaired about the environmental destruction of the planet and its resources. On the other hand, he shared how he would toss trash from his vehicle onto the roadway. In his opinion, the world was so messed up, it did not matter. For Randy, he did not see humanity making the strategic choices necessary to protect the environmental resources of the planet.
  
  
• Randy was appalled by vehicular pollution during his brief stint as a long-haul truck driver.
  
  
• Randy tried to pack garbage down as much as possible before hauling it to the garbage containers.
  
  
• Randy used to work as a waste collection vehicle operator, and did not put out the waste containers for pickup unless they were full.

Housemate Stories

• Randy had a generous heart. When I first moved in, he had adopted a set of feral kittens nesting near the house. He set out food for them.
  
  
• Randy shared his art with me. It was something he enjoyed.
  
  
• Randy told me he kept a gun in his possession, but I never saw it.
  
  
• Randy disabled the downstairs fire alarm system, presumably because of the incense and kitchen smoke which would set it off.
  
  
• Randy's room feature walls covered in Native American art and art he found attractive. His possessions were simple. I gave him his first desktop PC, a painfully slow system, but with it he no longer needed to commute to the public library to communicate via e-mail.
  
  
• Randy was often drowsy, but frequently humorous. He shared a lot, to the point where frequently I felt pressed to get a word in edgewise. We would talk frequently for long periods of time, which ended up mostly with me listening and Randy expounding on his opinions regarding human relationships, culture, his stories, and so forth.
  
  
• Randy appreciated my weight relative to other housemates. As I lived above him, he did not want someone heavy disrupting him frequently. Randy really thought deeply about who he wanted to live with. When it came time for me to leave to find a bigger place to live, Randy and I discussed at length about his preferences: (1) respectful; (2) trustworthy (and friends too); (3) willing to live separately in the house, but as acquaintances; (4) responsible, independent, mail forwarding; (5) ask about physical, independence/medical issues; (6) do they have family in the area?; (7) any mental health issues?; (8) religious preferences; (9) willing to commit time necessary to do things right?; (10) he enjoyed structure for contributions (toilet paper, soap, garbage, cleaning); (11) willing to do housecleaning in exchange for reduction in rent?; (12) sexual preference not important to him; (13) top three positives: mellow, proactive in communication, responsible, trustworthy, respectful; (14) prefers a person who prepares their own meals, meat OK; (15) weight an issue for him; (16) relationships -- an area to get a feeling for; (17) personal habits (sleep schedule, television usage, loud music, stability).
  
  We discussed it at length! :) And in the end, we ended up moving out before any interviewing took place.
  
  
• After I had moved out, Randy on separate occasions went out of his way to drop off mail he thought important I receive, which had been delivered to the old address. That is just the way Randy was--a really thoughtful person.
  
  
• Randy used jojoba oil. I love the word jojoba (pronounced ho-ho-ba).
  
  
• Randy had a lot of body hair.
  
  
• Randy thought I was one of the best housemates he had ever had. I really appreciated hearing him say that.
  
  
• Randy had a tatoo on his arms, a work-in-progress. He was somewhat dissatisfied with it, as a mistake had been made at one point, I believe, and he had attempted to work around it. I thought it looked fine.
  
  
• Randy was a very clean, careful, organized, detail-oriented person. He encouraged me to wipe down surfaces after using them to protect the surfaces from decay.
  
  
• Randy was interested in taking care of himself physically. With videos from the public library, he self-taught himself yoga and practiced light workouts.
  
  
• He began purchasing discounted VHS videos from thrift stores and would watch them frequently in the dark in the living room. He was a huge fan of Bruce Lee and his philosophy. For New Years or Christmas 2005, I rented Enter the Dragon and shared with him "Bruce Lee: In His Own Words". I think he really appreciated someone doing that for him.
  
  
• Randy fell and injured himself while on the job, requiring a trip to the emergency room for treatment. Dawn and I brought him there, got the wheelchair, and brought him home. He was in really rough shape for months, but he eventually healed.
  
  
• Randy talked about his truck, a GMC Jimmy a lot. He wanted to buy a new one as he feared his truck would give out. He complained about cheap parts engineered to fail.
  
  
• Randy blocked the sides of the front porch so skunks could not enter.
  
  
• Randy used the hose to remove debris from the driveway.
  
  
• Randy would sun himself in the nude in the front lawn. We had a tall fence and were at the end of a dead-end street, so this was not a big deal.
  
  
• Randy was always quitting smoking, but never did. He would go for a time, but then a stressful event would occur and he would use nicotine as a stress release.
  
  
• Randy kept his downstairs windows shaded at all times to prevent would-be thieves from seeing anything of value.
  

Music

• Before going out to poetry readings or coffee houses, Randy would play music from Mary Youngblood very loudly.
  
  
• Randy owned a well-traveled guitar, with carvings in the headstock.
  
  
• One night, Randy brought out an old vinyl album (Jefferson Starship?) to the kitchen island where I was sitting. He had found some very old marijuana dust in the spine. He proceeded to carefully place it into a cigarette paper, then took it outside to smoke. He returned, declaring it was awful. :)
  

Employment

• When I first met him, Randy worked as a Hazmat environmental cleanup worker. He worked long hours, up to 12 hours each day. Frequently, he returned home and collapsed, exhausted, into his bed. During this period of time, Randy was not frequently seen. When he emerged from his room, to use the bathroom, to consume food or drink, he was quiet, drained, and efficient with energy.
  
  When I met him, Randy participated in the Sacramento Rail Yard Cleanup project: http://www.dtsc.ca.gov/SiteCleanup/Projects/Sac_Rail_Yard.cfm.
  
  
• Randy introduced me to his "action pose":
  
  With this pose, Randy held a pose, giving the impression he was in the middle of an activity. He employed this to conserve energy.
  
  
• Randy was an expert masseuse.
  
  
• Randy did not share the same lifestyle as many of his seasonal laborer co-workers. According to Randy, they frequently drank themselves through their evenings or spent time at bars or partying. Instead, Randy frequently spent time reading, when he could.
  
  
• Randy commuted great distances at times, getting up very early in the morning and returning in the evening. Some commutes took him two hours one way.
  
  
• In the off-season, Randy went on unemployment.
  
  
• For periods of time, Randy would travel to job-site locations to work. He would describe his stays to me when he returned. As a trained heavy-equipment operator, Randy could work a back-hoe, a heavy truck, and so forth.
  
  
• Randy trained to become a long-haul truck driver. For his apprenticeship, he traveled for one month with an experienced driver. After that, he drove his own truck around the country.
  
  He described the culture of truck-driving in less than glowing terms. Food stops were generally not healthy. Trucks were left running frequently, consuming large amounts of fuel and polluting.
  
  Bathroom breaks while on the road had to be planned carefully.
  
  Point-to-point trips were carefully scripted by computers. It was challenging for him to stay on track.
  
  
• Randy worked in a warehouse in the Rocklin area for a time. He helped pack and ship foodstuffs.
  

Depression

• Randy desperately needed community. Occasionally, he talked about returning to a commune to once again live his values.
  
  
• Randy felt loneliness and wanted to find the company of a woman he might spend time with. He described most of his previous encounters with women as dysfunctional, with the women being bi-polar, or split personality, or serious traumatic issues from their past.
  
  
• Randy said he suffered from attention deficit disorder, which prevented him from continuing his education or studying things in great depth.
  
  
• Randy desperately wanted a community to meet his needs for connection and support.
  
  
• Randy seemed insecure about his height. To him, short people could not get a fair shake, whether with women or in the workplace.
  
  
• Randy seemed to frequently express anxiety about money. He made good money in the spring/summer/fall, but nothing in the winter.
  
  
• Randy felt insecure about his nose, occasionally commenting on how he wished it was different to allow him to breath better and to improve his success with attracting women. He had cosmetic surgery on his nose, and seemed much happier.
  
  
• The last time I talked with Randy in person was in 2008. Dawn and I had phoned Randy to inquire about a bike fender I had left there. When we arrived, Randy was gracious enough to have taken it from the back shed and handed it to us. We talked at length. During the discussion, he hinted at his eventual death. He shared that if we ever saw him dressed in his Native American clothing, he would be on his way to take his life. I sensed it a bit in him then. I think he was working it through in his mind.

Rest in peace, Randy.

On Thursday, several of us who knew and lived with him are going to have a remembrance for him. Should be a sober night but hopefully one where we can find connection and celebration of his life together.